in more important news, affection sucks. i hate knowing that no matter what i do, i have an infallible ability to fall for people who will either never feel the same, or forget that i exist sometimes. it drives me insane. and its terrifying, too, knowing that, no matter what, i'm going to be let down. i actually despise love. in the undying words of the blood brothers, it rhymes with hideous car wrecks.
i had an awesome summer, untainted with that emotional bullshit that snowing wants to fuck. and yet, somehow, i managed to fuck it up. and now, i like a girl who is, in a seeming trend, in a relationship with a friend of mine. and, yes, i know, its highschool. but emotions are emotions, and they are what make us, you know, us.
that being said, a poem;
October 12, 1994
i think i like the feeling of rain more than rain;
its the atmosphere that makes it real
and its the ambiance, and the leaves it brings;
life is made from leaves on trees that fall on streets in towns i grew up in.
and its my stupid fuckups,
and its my songs, my poems, my sketches,
its the things i make that make me alive
or maybe, its me that makes the things i make alive.
either way, they keep me up at night.
but most of all,
its my friends who keep me going,
its them who make
"im upset, man"
more than stupid words
and its me,
and its you,
and its them
and its everything in-between
but most of all,
its you.
so thank you, friend,
for being there,
and thank you, friend,
for being just that.
thank you for being.
i love you.
dedicated to my friend. he knows who he is, and if i speak his name, it'd be an injustice to it
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