ive been walking for so fucking long

its like a christmas card you've knocked over
because christmas isn't real
and who cares anymore,
i mean, really
?
we're all grown up now

("i am writing to you because she said you'd listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have")

i feel like the snow collecting on my driveway;
there's nothing left but long movies and drugs and,
"darling, i think we should go to sleep now"

("i just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. i need to know that these people exist")

but, goddamnit, i've been living so long
and i drive to mountains to watch stars with friends
and i go to games, and i watch everyone else slip away
and i watch bikes rust and friendships die
(and i think that's the hardest part)
and i watch trends change and i watch myself grow up
to the background of a field of flowers that die every year
then spring back up when my friends come home.

("i think you of all people would understand that, because i think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means")

its harder than it sounds to be in the moment
but, i think i've had it down for 15 fucking years
and i think i've got life down too;
i wish i was the one to say "i feel infinite",
but i feel infinite.
i feel fucking infinite

("so, this is my life")





"'we accept the love we think we deserve'"
Thank you to stephen chbosky for writing the most powerful book i have ever read. i wrote this for me, but if it weren't for you, it wouldn't have happened. i could've used my "favourite quotes" from "the perks of being a wallflower" but then i would've had to type up the whole novel again. so i chose the first page. beginnings, i think, are almost as important as the plot.